I understand that many people in the population of America (nay the
world) have had some bad experiences with the opposite sex. I am no
exception. My favorite phrase (and it was posted on my ad for a time)
was, "I am jaded but not bitter", which for me is the truth. Today we
will discuss the mis-representation (again) of the opposite sex on the
online dating scene.
It seems to be a growing trend these days, to find a man on the net who states that they have been hurt, but are ready to date again. These are, without fail, the men who later end up crying in their beer because you remind them of their wonderfully sweet Cindy who dumped them for reasons unknown (the names of the players in my articles have been changed to protect the idiotic). Now I have no problem with sadness over a lost love. I do, however, have a problem with people mis-representing their intentions and not having the good sense or class to admit it halfway through a miserable date.
The second classification of dater I will discuss (and gripe about), are those who say that they are ready to date, ask you out (and faithful readers, you will remember that this is a pet peeve of Polly's) then grope and drool over you all night long in anticipation of the expected intimacy that you are going to share with them because they had the courtesy to go dutch and not make you pay for their dinner as well. You should feel privileged to eat with, get groped by, and eventually sleep with these men. RIGHT! Polly will not accept days like this. I have no problem on the dutch treat thing, but I think women these days need to be treated like the goddesses that they are.
Dutch treat is a wonderful thing. I can remember speaking to people who have dated in various ways (bars, casual meetings and set-ups) for years who have said that if the man buys them a meal, they feel obligated to do something for or with them. I, however, do not share that obligatory feeling. If a man buys me dinner, I say thank you, thus fulfilling my obligation to do anything for this man that I have just met. Many women need to take heed to this fact, and many men need to realize that the dinner you just bought is the payment you make to spend time with a girl you asked out to begin with.
Now as you all know, I am a prolific dater. I do not enjoy dating however. It is tiring and usually makes you angry to boot. I have met some of the most ignorant people in the world, both on the net and off. I am, however, searching for that treasured relationship. I will not date any man that makes me feel bad. If you do not know what you are worth, and cannot be with someone unless they are the reason you feel a certain way, you have some work to do in your own mind and should not be dating. If someone enhances your life and re-enforces the respect you have for yourself, date like a mad-man). If more people heeded Polly's tips, more of us would be happy.
Lastly, girls and guys, please have respect for each other. No one is dispensable. We are all worth the time others spend on us. Make sure you respect yourself and each other.
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As you all know, the traverse of the internet dating scene has left
much to be desired. I do have a good story however about the longest
e-relationship I have ever had.
Last summer (at the height of my e-dating ), I met a very nice man in Colorado on the internet. We e-chatted for two months before I gave him my number. In these e-chats, we discussed life, liberty and the pursuit of one another. We had a lovely time and chatted into the night.
Two months in, I gave him my number and we continued our pseudo-courting by phone. We enjoyed each other’s company and instead of the online late night chats, we spoke on the phone late into the night.
He promised me the world and offered to fly me to Colorado so I could help him run his new bar. I was very impressed, however I played hard to get. Imagine, Polly, running willy nilly to Colorado for some man she has never met in person. This, however, was not an issue for him.
We spoke for months and months. Every time he kept begging me to come to Colorado and I kept saying no. As time went on, I realized that it made him only try harder when I said no. Hmmmmmmmm.
After the first 3 months of actual live phone chat, he explained to me that he does not really own a bar. He in fact did not own anything. He lived with his parents (not a big deal) but he was 35 and his parents restricted his phone use and grounded him (still). Ok, a little weird, but not insurmountable. Then the ball dropped.
He gave me the ultimatum. He said if I did not come to Colorado and live with him (and his parents, ha ha), he no longer wanted to have any sort of relationship with me. I said (in true Polly style) Good-Bye.
The moral of today’s story ladies and jelly-spoons, is that the Internet can breed the exact same problems the bar scene can. Remember that someone cannot see that you are joking about certain subjects (as there is no way to show emotion and emot-icons don’t do the trick) and that people from different places have different meanings for different words.
That being said, watch what you say to whom, and remember not to take anything from someone you meet this way, that you would not take from someone you meet in your daily life.
I am hopeful that this will not repeat itself. I enjoyed my time with this man, but it came to an end. I hope that you (and I) have learned from this experience and that we will all be as careful and wary of our cyber-surroundings as we do in our daily surroundings.
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