Finding myself single
after a whirlwind High School
Romance/Marriage was, to say the least,
scary. I had never been in an adult
dating setting and was unaware as to
what was expected or what was gauche or
unacceptable. When my work schedule
limited the amount of time I spent going
out and meeting people, I turned to
Internet dating. Holding my breath and
hoping for some semblance of a social
life, I posted an ad.
Not long (a day) after, I was
inundated with requests. Requests for my
time, phone number, more pictures, and,
a complete surprise, sexual encounters.
Having never actually "done" the bar
scene, or searched actively for
companionship, I was rather confused. My
ad said nothing about wanting anything
but getting to know people and make new
friends. I believe it stated I enjoyed
"having fun" and enjoyed "learning
things others enjoy".
After my initial confusion, I
consulted an old friend and veteran at
both online dating and the bar scene.
She informed me that on the Internet,
"fun" was a little code for "sex" and
"things others enjoy" meant a variety of
sexual acts I had never even considered.
Needless to say, I pulled my ad within a
During that initial week, however, my
messenger function never stopped chiming
and letting me know that yet another
person wanted me to discuss my desire to
"have fun". I eventually had to disable
Somehow I could not overcome the idea
that I may be missing out on those
people on the Net who were not perverts
and were actually very nice people. My
rationale was, "I’m on the Net and I’m
not insane, there must be others". It
has become my quest to seek those others
Since that time, I have amended my ad
to exclude those choice phrases, I have
taken my picture off of my profile (I
got sick of those left-handed
compliments about my cleavage). I
enabled my messenger and just got very
adept at blocking those who would send
pornography, profanity and web-cam shots
of who knows what.
Like the friend I mentioned earlier,
I became an old hat at this online
dating thing, and (mostly out of
curiosity), I agreed to meet a few
people in person.
My first "date" was an interesting
man who looked nothing like his picture.
(I don’t believe for a second that
pictures are the mark of a good person,
nor do I even believe that looks are
important. I believe that if someone
sends me a picture and it is not them,
that is not all they are lying about). I
promised myself that I would see this
date to it's end regardless. We went to
dinner, where he left the table as the
check came and waited outside. I paid
and ended the date immediately.
My second date was with a young man
who was so bitter about his
ex-girlfriend, he spoke of nothing else.
I prayed for the movie we had agreed to
see to start, then prayed for it to
never end. Eventually it did end with
him crying on my shoulder about how the
movie reminded him of her.
Even after those two, I tried again.
Number three was a very nice gentleman
who agreed to meet at a local restaurant
to "get to know each other", then we
would decide from there. (One thing I
learned, when you meet someone, don't
plan to go to dinner and a movie, choose
drinks. If there is no chemistry or if
the person is not what they purport to
be, you are obligated to no more than
drinks). We met and I was pleasantly
surprised to find that we had quite a
lot in common. We laughed and talked for
3 hours at least. I was pleased when he
asked me to go out on another date.
That second date, he was sullen and
upset and only talked about the
possibility of moving in with me because
I do not have room-mates and he was
tired of his. Needless to say, that
date/relationship ended quickly.
Now we come to the last of my
Recently, I was asked to go out for
drinks with a nice man. I met him for
drinks and we hit it off. He had brought
me roses and was courteous and
chivalrous. He opened doors and asked if
I needed anything. He seemed too good to
be true. We agreed to meet again.
Our second date was nothing like the
first. He seemed to grow hands
everywhere and wanted to use them all
over me. I fought off advance after
advance, initially thinking it was
really quite flattering. Finally after
becoming exhausted, I asked what the
deal was and why the change. He stated
that there was a reason most men were on
the Net for dates. The reason was very
clear; it is a fast easy way to
encounter many women at one time and try
to sleep with them. Angry at my failure
to locate even one soul who wanted what
I do, I left him in the parking lot.
Now to many readers I’m sure I sound
very bitchy. I have even been told that
my standards are too high and what did I
expect, "it’s the Internet". What I
expect is that the virtual anonymity of
the Internet not give a voice to those
too uncouth to survive in society, and
not excuse those too brash and boorish
to have normal, appropriate conversation
and interaction. As far as having my
standards set too high, why shouldn’t
they be? I am looking for someone to
share my time, and my time is valuable.
If one is looking for companionship, why
lower their standards for the Net, but
have higher ones for a more conventional
dating scene? I require no more from
Cyber Suitors than I do from
conventionally met dates.
I hope for everyone's sake that there
are more people on the Net who are
really trying to find companionship and
not just random acts of salacious
behavior. It is in this hope that I
still search, once a week to see if the
ads are insightful and honest, and if
there are people who will not try to
deceive those who read past their
Oh-So-Catchy ad titles.