40 year old female from New York
I am the same woman who wrote I was giving up online Jewish dating. I actually did, but some old free Website sent me a note one day that a man was interested in me and I thought "why not?"
At first he seemed pretty normal, but with alot of baggage (kids, ex wife, etc). Within several months, however, he turned into a complete nut job: possesive and with a serious personality disorder. We are talking this guy had potential abuser written all over him. And it makes me wonder:
Does online dating draw these freaks because they can hide who they really are longer?
The potential "match" has no outside reference such as seeing them interact in a social setting before being matched... It also may not be the best place for women who don't have a complete handle on their instincts about strangers or people. For example I have realized, in general, that I am not the best judge of character. And therefore, I'm not ideal for any sortof stranger meets stranger dating service.
I wish everyone luck. And most of all remember: being alone is always better than being with an abuser or a nut job.
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My experiences can really be called 3 experiences in one. I've tried
numerous online dating services; it doesn't matter which name they go
by. Lavalife, match.com, you name it, they're basically all the same.
When I tried eHarmony, for instance, I only got ONE match... she was 20
miles from me, and I live in a city of 10 million people! I decided
right then and there to cancel and get my money back without even
waiting for the woman's reply, because I was so turned off by this.
Second experience... my eyes were opened when all the women I've asked about it, agreed that when they were girls, their parents told them "never pick the man, always let him pick you". Great advice if you live in some male-dominated Third World country, but it doesn't work so well in the USA, where nobody has time to go out at night, hitting on strangers. This is why so many more men than women join dating services... the services themselves have long realized this, and that's why they have degenerated into little more than pyramid schemes which stay in business because of "losers". These are men who have not lost at the game of life, they are just greenhorns who have fallen for the whole dating scam and they haven't opened their eyes to how it works. Because if they did, that would be the end of the dating industry.
Third, if I couldn't count on the dating services for a mate, what was I supposed to do? Going out to clubs and hitting on women every night, doesn't pay the bills. I took the drastic step of creating what I call a "mate search site", which is something like a resume except it's not work-related. I've always wanted to be a loving husband, who would treat his wife with respect and dignity... but that's the problem with dating services, most of the people who use them don't expect to be treated decently. Knowing this, I'd never join a dating service, even if 99% of their clients were women and the memberships were free. Incidentally, I haven't really been making a full effort to promote my mate search site, but nevertheless a few women have stumbled across it and sent me very nice e-mails, saying how well-written it is. I will not divulge
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