Jewish Women

As a Jewish Women I have this comment about what that writer said -- concerning the men who send out oodles of emails to all the gals they can and then wonder why the "2 or 3" they really liked didn't answer. Yes, sir, that is a problem. And the attitude of, "If I let my subscription lapse and then find out if I had stuck with it for just one more day, I would have seen that ‘perfect 10’ who came online just then..." really stinks. Too many of you seem to have this really unfortunate need to keep looking for that elusive person who just might be a better deal than the live person you are currently currying. There will forever be the possibility of something better (bigger, tastier, easier, richer, more exciting, more challenging....etc. ad nauseum) around the next bend. Good luck to all of you who are addicted to the hunt. Please do the rest of us a favor and label your profile that way so we know enough not to take the bait.

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just wanted to thank whoever posted the online information about signs when a man may be married online. I do not usually get associated with online services, but I must admit, I tried it. I had many responses, but of course the real "cute guy" caught my eye. Yes, I am a bit snobby about someone's looks. Anyway, as soon as I emailed him a very simple "Hello," he was already asking me to meet him and for my phone number. I knew absolutely nothing about this guy and he was so over anxious. So when I explained - I am a bit "old fashioned" and asked him to just give me his phone number and I would definitely call him; he just sent me another short email saying he understood and asked again to meet for coffee or chat online. He never even brought up the point that I asked for his phone number.

I am not experienced at online dating, but I figured immediately that this guy either is married or had a girlfriend. Anyway, I researched online for some signs, and your article has definitely helped me see what I should look out for. I am just grateful for the good information that was there for me and your tips and signs to look out for. It made total sense to me. It was right on the money and made me realize what I need to do now and look for in the future.

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I have to echo the difficult experiences of some of your other male correspondents. My own "tenure" online has been unproductive, even exhausting. I really should have known better. I signed up two years ago and had the same problems. But it's so seductive: for just $34.95, I can write this seemingly intriguing creature who is just ... sitting ... there ... waiting ... for ... my .. email. Ha!

The online process tends to favor women. The women I know who use these services receive many, many letters from potential suitors. One has gone on hundreds of dates (but has yet to click with a guy). By contrast, none of the men I know have had many dates. In my case, out of perhaps two-hundred contacts I initiated, I had one date (she was very beautiful, but looked different from her photos, and I didn't find us otherwise compatible).

Not everyone can like the way I look, of course, nor like the way I express myself online. But -- gosh! -- I'm attractive enough. (Just ask all my friends!) And I find getting a date when I talk to a woman in person SO much easier.

I know a couple of people with online success stories. All of them resulted from the woman making the initial contact. A woman who works down the hall from me found her husband online, and my friend J. received an email from his wife-to-be.

I believe a curious mix of cultural legacy and anonymity create an environment that works to no one's advantage. Men mostly do the contacting, because they're "supposed to," and they do a great deal more contacting than they should. There's no social cost online -- no embarrassment of possible rejection. The thought becomes, "I'll just contact everyone and see who responds." So the women are flooded with emails, and the men wonder why the two or three women they really liked didn't write back.

I'd hate to think that I'd stopped using online services just before someone really great came along. On the other hand, if it's true that it's a "numbers game," then the numbers aren't working in my favor. Two-hundred to one just doesn't do it for me.

I'm letting my subscription lapse. Maybe I'll come back to it. But for now, I'm hanging out at the deli counter at the local supermarket. There, at least, I can actually talk with a live, in-the-flesh woman!

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